How'd That Even Happen?
by ChocoboHead
Summary: A bunch of short skits involving Zack, Aerith, Cloud, Tifa, the Turks, Sephiroth, Genesis and the rest of the group. but mostly Zack. With special appearances from Pomegranate Man-Zack's alter ego.
1. Ch 1 Pomegranate Man

**Cloud**: I learned a lot of stuff after I got mako poisoning…it can really mess with your brain. Can you imagine living in that stuff?

**Zack**: I. Am. Pomegranate Man!

**Cloud**: I think that maybe Cetra's might be able to handle all that mako but then again…Aerith was never that bright…

**Zack**: And this is my sidekick…uh…Pinky!

**Aerith**: Dum, duh, duh-dum, da, da, da dada-dum! (Final Fantasy victory theme just in case you couldn't understand that)

**Zack**: anyway, I am Pomegranate Man, I am twenty times faster than Bacon Man, and I know pomegranates taste a lot better than Super Man.

**Cloud**: Not meaning he's actually tasted Super Man, he's just drunk, okay?

**Zack**: Shut up, Mako Boy!

**Cloud**: My name is Cloud…C—loud…do not make me start talkin' like Reno's clone, yo.

**Aerith**: (giggling) Cloud said yo…haha.

**Zack**: That's un-Cloud…yes, and our super-villain…evil dude guy is 'Dude in A Box' he is stuck…in a box.

**Aerith**: What do we do, Zack? What? What?!

**Zack**: I SHALL GET MORE TAPE!

**Cloud**: And a video camera…I wanna post this on YouTube!

**Zack**: (faintly) 'kay!

**Sephiroth**: ZACK, IF I DON'T GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS…YOU…WILL…DIE…uh…again…I guess.

**Zack**: (faintly) Aerith, sit on the box.

**Cloud**: this probably is his attempt to murder the chatterbox without getting blood on his own hands.

**Zack**: it is not! I just didn't want to be stabbity-stabbed.

**Cloud**: Zack, are you drunk?

**Zack**: n-no! I'm not drunk, see, I no slurs!

**Cloud**: I see…then where are you?

**Zack**: I am in my fantasy world with all my daily-based superheroes!

**Cloud**: Okay...then who are you?

**Zack**: I am pomegranate man!

**Cloud**: No, you're Zack.

**Zack**: Shut up, Edward.

**Cloud**: Edward? Where the hell did you get that?

**Aerith**: (screams)

**Zack**:…gotta go.

**Tifa**: (mumbling) CLOUD!!

**Cloud**: What?

**Tifa**: Gengivitis is attacking me!

**Cloud**: Am I the only sane one here?

**Genesis**: (evil laughter)

**Cloud**: So I went to save Tifa from Genesis and I found out waaaaay too late...

**Genesis**: Hey there, Mako Boy… (Winks)

**Cloud**: (clears throat) He wasn't exactly hitting on Tifa...do I have to explain it really?

**Zack**: Yes, yes you do.

**Cloud**: WELL I WILL NOT!

**Zack**: Okay, you don't have to yell.

**Cloud**: I AM NOT YELLING!!

**Zack**: YES, YOU ARE!!

**Aerith**: (with a bleeding arm) STOPPIT NOW OR I WILL TURN THIS…LIFESTREAM AROUND, AND DON'T THINK I WON'T!

**Cloud and Zack**: Yes ma'am.

**Zack**: He started it.

**Cloud**: (slaps)

**Zack**: what?

**Cloud**: So…now what?

**Zack**: I must warn Bacon Man about the Early Bird special!

**Aerith**: Oh no! Zack, what if he doesn't make it?

**Zack**: I dunno…maybe Kadaj'll eat 'im anyway.

**Aerith**: And then what, Zack?

**Zack**: I want some yogurt…

* * *

**Yeah, this is chapter 1 and I plan on doing more soon. I was really quoting my bestest bud, Bill for Zack and without him I wouldn't have even thought of making Zack a psychotic superhero. We both hope this made you laugh and I promise that there'll be more of this in the future...hopefully the near future. I own nothing but Bacon Man, Mako Boy,Gengevitus, and the yogurt–which we're out of...**


	2. Ch 2 Cloud Discovers the Internet

**Contains Cloud's babbling about his pairings. You have been warned.**

* * *

**Cloud**: This is horrible! Why do people do this to meeeeee!

**Zack**: You made the mistake of dressing like a woman, that's why.

**Cloud**: It's not my fault that I make a cute girl!

**Zack**: I will pay you 300 gil if you _never say that again_.

**Aerith**: I still have 'Miss Cloud's' dress…and Tifa has the pictures! (_Whispers_) and so does Ebay…

**Cloud**: I thought I burned those!

**Aerith**: The internet is forever...

**Zack**: So anyway, guess what! Cloud discovered the internet! …and you can guess what he found…

**Aerith**: Lemmie begin…_Cloud gets…_

**Cloud**: …Paired with everything under the sun! I get paired with Tifa…which I don't mind really. Aerith…

**Aerith**: Not too bad, right?

**Zack**: I like being paired with Aerith.

**Aerith**: Yeah, we have some doujinshi (fan comics) and fanfics and they are sooo cute!

**Zack**: sure…very…_fluffy_…

**Cloud**: (babbling) And I get paired with Seph and Kadaj and Yazoo…and that Leon dude—who the heck is he?! …and Zack…there's millions for us…

**Zack**: Yeah, that's creepy…I've seen some things—

**Aerith**: DO NOT FINISH THAT!

**Zack**: (tiny voice) _yes ma'am_…

**Cloud**: (still babbling)…I even got paired with _MYSELF_! That was the most bizarre…never mind, it was weird. I was paired with Denzel once, isn't there a law against that or something? That one about me and my little clone dude (he means Roxas from Kingdom Hearts II) he's looks enough like me to be my brother…_that's frowned upon in most societies…_

**Zack**: I'm hungry…

**Aerith**: and bored too I'm guessing?

**Zack**: Uh-huh, I should've _never_ given him my laptop…

**Aerith**: Do you wanna go steal Vincent's cape so we can play '_Stupid-Daily-Superheroes'_ again?

**Zack**: the fun part is avoiding the bullets!

**Cloud**: (babbling for so long Zack and Aerith left and Tifa showed up in their spot)…and Vincent too! The one about Reno and me getting drunk in his house…oh uh…hey Tifa (turns weird shade of green)

**Tifa**: what 'cha talking about?

**Cloud**: …weird fan pairings…

**Tifa**: Did you get the one with the kid and the key?

**Cloud**: Which one?

**Tifa**: ah, that's right, there's more than one…the brown haired one.

**Cloud**: No…but thanks! Did you ever notice anything about these pairings, though?

**Tifa**: Like what?

**Cloud**: Even when I am paired with you…I _still_ seem to play the woman's role…

**Tifa**: It's because you made the mistake of dressing like a woman.

**Cloud**: It's not my fault I make a cute girl!

**Zack**: (faintly) I want my money back, Mako Boy.

* * *

**Yup, I've been bored all week and have been on really random stuff...I noticed that thing about Cloud and I thought it would be funny if he ranted on about it...I own nothing except this Pepsi (points to Pepsi) By the way...don't you think it'd be funny if he DID discover weird websites about himself? I'd like to watch his expression on his face.**


	3. Ch 3 Nibelheim Incident: The REAL Cloud!

**Tifa**: hello, my name is Tifa Lockhart and today we're gonna talk about the creation of Cloud Strife…No not THAT! You people have dirty minds… (However, if you don't get it, then you're great!) Anyway, we need Sephiroth and Zack…

**Zack and Sephiroth**: (uneasily) yeah…?

**Tifa**: We're gonna re-create the Nibelheim incident…ready go!

**Sephiroth**: So how does—?

**Tifa**: Once upon a time…

**Zack**: I don't like where this is going…

**Tifa**: …Cloud and Sephiroth were very close…Our story begins though, not with Cloud, but with Zack. Zack and Sephiroth went into Nibelheim…

**Sephiroth**: Where's Nibelheim?

**Zack**: It's in front of us, duh!

**Sephiroth**: No, it's not, that is only air! I burned Nibelheim to the ground because I dropped a lighter!

**Zack**: (stepping forward) Sweet, I'm in Nibelheim!

**Sephiroth**: (also stepping forward) …idiot…

**Tifa**: So Zack and Sephiroth thought it would be funny to steal the tour guide's laptop—I want that back, by the way…

**Zack**: Awwwwww…Seph stole Tifa's laptop!

**Sephiroth**: I did not! She is making this all up!

**Tifa**: I am not; this is my only explanation for Cloud being crazy! So shut up and do as you're told!

**Sephiroth**: (tiny voice) yes ma'am.

**Tifa**: So that night they found a Final Fantasy fan site and Sephiroth discovered that Cl—I mean Zack's hairstyle had beaten Seph's by two and a half votes. (Followed by Squall and then of course, Reno…how they got half a vote is beyond me.)

**Zack**: Two 'n' a half? (I'm dead aren't I?)

**Tifa**: YES, TWO…AND A HALF! (And yes. Yes, you are.)

**Zack**: ...Oh…shit…

**Tifa**: Yes, anyway, Sephiroth got mad and while Zack was sleeping he dyed Zack's hair blonde, then he dropped his lighter and made a run for it into the local mako reactor.

**Sephiroth**: Um…she had the lighter thing right…at least

**Zack**: (nods) Yup, yup…

**Tifa**: Zack also got mad when he woke up and followed Sephiroth into the reactor…

**Zack**: Oh yeah!

**Tifa**: …and when he got there, he was pushed down the steps and hit his head…hard.

**Zack**: Dammit!

**Tifa**: when Cl— I mean Zack, woke up a certain someone convinced him that his name was, in fact, Cloud…

**Sephiroth**: …Idiot…

**Aerith**: but then a certain flower girl met Cloud and noticed the few differences…she knew that these two were too much alike to be two different guys!

**Sephiroth**: (jumps back) where the heck did she come from?!

**Zack**: Oh…she just shows up…in the street, on the sidewalk, in your bathroom…_under your bed_…

**Sephiroth**: Creepy.

**Zack**: She's like a pet! (Pats Aerith's head) she just follows you around everywhere. Then she poofs… (Aerith disappears) See?

**Sephiroth**: Correction…_really_ creepy.

**Tifa**: But still today, the flower girl…

(Aerith pops up)

**Aerith**: _Still_…

**Tifa**: Has not told Cloud of his real identity because Zack is funny…

**Aerith**: …When he is stupid.

**Zack**: That…sucked.

**Sephiroth**: It was complete humiliation.

**Zack**: hey, Seph?

**Sephiroth**: Yes?

**Zack**: Let's do the story behind Tifa's "They're real" excuse…

* * *

**Chapter 3! Thank you Angela! (Ironic, huh?) anyway...yes, my friend and I were brainstorming and I got inspired by a parody wikipedia article...then I just started ranting on about Seph dropping his lighter and setting Nibelheim on fire while Zack hit his head in the reactor...messed up everyone at the table! Anyway, I own nothing, if I did I probably wouldn't be typing this...**


End file.
